Taglines – TRH Communications

Taglines (and emoticons) originated in the days of online discussion groups. They were typically used at the end of the signature with which one would end a post.

Disclaimer: these “taglines” have been collected over ten years. A few of them are my originals, and I understand the rest to be in the public domain.

Tough Questions

About words:

Where can I find a synonym for “thesaurus” ?
What’s another word for “synonym”?
When will the rhetorical questions end? (G. Carlin)
Why isn’t “gullible” listed in the dictionary?
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it is pronounced?
Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
Why does “monosyllabic” have five syllables?
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
If flies didn’t have wings, would they be walks?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do they call it the U.S. Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. . but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
If a tin whistle is made of tin, what’s a fog horn made of?
Why are they called ” stands” when they are made for sitting?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

About life:

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Do invisible cats drink evaporated milk?
How do they make the Teflon stick to frying pans?
Do androids dream of electric sheep? (Philip K. Dick)
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the
universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
When the snow melts, where does all the white go?
If a mute boy swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? (George Carlin)
Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
How come we never hear any “father-in-law” jokes?
If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to?
If someone with multiple personalties threatens to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Do kings have sweat bands in their crowns? (G. Carlin)
Don’t you feel uneasy that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?
How do you throw out a garbage can?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
If you’re against picketing, how do you show it?
Why are there no size B batteries? (G. Carlin)
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
If Inuit hunters sit on the ice too long, do they get Polaroids?
If going to church makes you a Christian, does standing in a garage make you a car?
If you saw with a sawhorse, do you seesaw with a seahorse?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Is Karl Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Do the swallows come to Capistrano to see the people?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
What time is it at the North Pole?
Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
Why DID kamikaze pilots wear helmets????
Why is there a permanent press setting on an iron?

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Computing and Communications

Ack and you shall receive
BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 4th quarter, 2nd down & 6.
Error: No Keyboard: Press F1 to Continue.
File Not Found…..Loading something that looks similar.
EBKAC – Error Between Keyboard And Chair
I’m just a stunt driver on the information highway

Cats

t+h838 *f#*D (SMACK!) MEEYOW!…and STAY off my keyboard!
Cats remind us that not everything in life has a purpose
Purring….the sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness

Let’s not get along

Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
How about never? Is never good for you?
You sound reasonable… Time to up my medication.
I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?
Narrow-minded? He can see thru a keyhole with both eyes.

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Puns and wordplay

They also surf who only stand on waves.
Addicted to brake fluid? Nah, I can stop any time. (Mark Foerster)
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
Bough, cough, dough, rough, sought, through, hiccough – argh!
Man was predestined to have free will.
She’s in love with her psychiatrist: she’s shrink-rapt
Threw jelly at cop; conviction: carrying congealed weapon
Cross a cannon with a bell: boomerang!
With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are inseine.
Australian beer is made out of kangaroo hops
Does “Quasimodo” ring a bell? I had a hunch it would…
Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice
Dyslexics of the world, untie!!
Erik the Red was a Norse of a different colour
HEBREW – the **MANLY** beer!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy
In plumbing,a straight flush is better than a full house
It looks like an optical illusion, but it isn’t
Me…a skeptic? I trust you have proof
Pornography? We don’t even have a pornograph!
Puns are bad..but Poetry is……verse
Red ship crashes into blue ship – sailors marooned ….
The beauty of a pun is in the argh of the beholder
The cost of feathers has risen, now even down is up
The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo…
To learn about paranoids, follow them around
Gentlemen prefer bonds. (Andrew Mellon)
Tried to play my shoehorn – all I got was footnotes
Try Milk of Amnesia – when you need to forget
When you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall
Witches fly on brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. (G. Carlin)
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

Dog crossbreeds

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, ideal for …. oh, well, it doesn’t
matter anyway
Irish Setter + Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu = well, never mind that one.

Star Trek

I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated
I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to … ooh, donuts!
I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to be asphyxiated

Needham’s Sayings

Richard J. Needham was a columnist in the Toronto Globe & Mail for many years.

A penny saved is a penny.
Children should be sane and not hurt.
Invention is a necessity of motherhood.
Familiarity breeds.
Love and marriage go together like a horse.
Greater love hath no man than this, that he play down his life for his friends.
Groceries were born free, and everywhere they are in chains.
You’re never too old to.

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Marriage and Divorce

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dip-nuts’s.
I married my wife for her looks – but not the ones she’s been giving me lately.

Sanity

Emo Phillips: Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps
I have lots of friends. You just can’t see them.
I’m not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to ME.

Other stuff

Procrastinate Now
Rehab Is for Quitters
headline: Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
43% of all statistics are worthless.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
We cna tyep 300w rods pre minuet!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
All taglines are busy…One will be with you shortly.
At least when you fail no one is jealous.
No one is listening until you fart.
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.
Cheating? No, I’m practising team skills
Design flaws travel in groups.
Every crowd has a silver lining – P.T.Barnum
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
I am tolerant of your fruitcake-like beliefs.
I can be decisive, I think.
I didn’t believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
I’m older now than I’ve ever been before!
I don’t do drugs anymore ’cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I have my own little world. But it’s OK – they know me here.(Jack Handey?)
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
In child-rearing, who’s training whom?
It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.
I’ve upped my standards. Up yours. (Pat Paulsen)
In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.
Let’s defy common sense and try to be happy together (Ashleigh Brilliant)
You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking. (Jack Handey?)
Life is too important to ever take seriously.
Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. (Groucho Marx)
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off now.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
Who the Dickens wrote “Oliver Twist”, anyway?
Who’s Afraid Of Virgin Wool?
Why is the “right size” for a corporation always smaller?
The phrase “surgical strike” might be more acceptable if it were common to perform surgery with high explosives. (G. Carlin)
A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. (G. Carlin)
Things I can do without: a crying woman with a harpoon gun entering a sports bar. (G. Carlin)
Everybody else’s stomach has a six-pack, I have a keg. (Homer Simpson)

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Last Reviewed: 5 years