Taglines - One-line wordplay
Disclaimer: these "taglines" have been collected over ten years. A few of them are my originals, and I understand the rest to be in the public domain.
On this page:
Tough Questions | Cats
| Let's Not Get Along | Star Trek
Twisted Sayings from Richard Needham
| Computing etc.
Wordplay ... Swifties
... Marriage & Divorce ... Sanity ... other
Other Fun Pages:
Mangled Movies and Music | Definitions
Latin phrases, sort of | Murphy's Law
Business-related quotations -- humorous, cynical and occasionally serious.
About words:
- Where can I find a synonym for "thesaurus" ?
- What's another word for "synonym"?
- When will the rhetorical questions end? (G. Carlin)
- Why isn't "gullible" listed in the dictionary?
- Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it is pronounced?
- Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
- Why does "monosyllabic" have five syllables?
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
- Why are they called buildings when they're already finished?
Shouldn't they be called builts?
- Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
- Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- If flies didn't have wings, would they be walks?
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- Why do they call it the U.S. Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
- Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
- If a tin whistle is made of tin, what's a fog horn made of?
About life:
- Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
- Do invisible cats drink evaporated milk?
- How do they make the Teflon stick to frying pans?
- Do androids dream of electric sheep? (Philip K. Dick)
- If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
- If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the
universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
- When the snow melts, where does all the white go?
- If a mute boy swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
- Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
- Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? (George Carlin)
- Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
- How come we never hear any "father-in-law" jokes?
- If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?
- If someone with multiple personalties threatens to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
- Do kings have sweat bands in their crowns? (G. Carlin)
- Don't you feel uneasy that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
- How do you throw out a garbage can?
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
- If you're against picketing, how do you show it?
- Why are there no size B batteries? (G. Carlin)
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
- If Inuit hunters sit on the ice too long, do they get Polaroids?
- If going to church makes you a Christian, does standing in a garage make you a car?
- If you saw with a sawhorse, do you seesaw with a seahorse?
- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
- If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
- Is Karl Marx's tomb a communist plot?
- Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
- Do the swallows come to Capistrano to see the people?
- If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
- If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- What time is it at the North Pole?
- Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
- Why DID kamikaze pilots wear helmets????
- Why is there a permanent press setting on an iron?
- Ack and you shall receive
- BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 4th quarter, 2nd down & 6.
- Error: No Keyboard: Press F1 to Continue.
- File Not Found.....Loading something that looks similar.
- EBKAC - Error Between Keyboard And Chair
- I'm just a stunt driver on the information highway
- t+h838 *f#*D (SMACK!) MEEYOW!...and STAY off my keyboard!
- Cats remind us that not everything in life has a purpose
- Purring....the sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication.
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
- Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?
- Narrow-minded? He can see thru a keyhole with both eyes.
- They also surf who only stand on waves.
- Addicted to brake fluid? Nah, I can stop any time. (Mark Foerster)
- If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
- Bough, cough, dough, rough, sought, through, hiccough - argh!
- Man was predestined to have free will.
- She's in love with her psychiatrist: she's shrink-rapt
- Threw jelly at cop; conviction: carrying congealed weapon
- Cross a cannon with a bell: boomerang!
- With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
- Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are inseine.
- Australian beer is made out of kangaroo hops
- Does "Quasimodo" ring a bell? I had a hunch it would...
- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice
- Dyslexics of the world, untie!!
- Erik the Red was a Norse of a different colour
- HEBREW - the **MANLY** beer!
- Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy
- In plumbing,a straight flush is better than a full house
- It looks like an optical illusion, but it isn't
- Me...a skeptic? I trust you have proof
- Pornography? We don't even have a pornograph!
- Puns are bad..but Poetry is......verse
- Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned ....
- The beauty of a pun is in the argh of the beholder
- The cost of feathers has risen, now even down is up
- The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo...
- To learn about paranoids, follow them around
- Gentlemen prefer bonds. (Andrew Mellon)
- Tried to play my shoehorn - all I got was footnotes
- Try Milk of Amnesia - when you need to forget
- When you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall
- Witches fly on brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
- I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. (G. Carlin)
- Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
- I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
- If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
- A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
- When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
- Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
Dog crossbreeds
- Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
- Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
- Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, ideal for .... oh, well, it doesn't
matter anyway
- Irish Setter + Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
- Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
- Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
- Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
- Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu = well, never mind that one.
- I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated
- I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to ... ooh, donuts!
- I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to be asphyxiated
Richard J. Needham was a columnist in the Toronto Globe & Mail for many years.
- A penny saved is a penny.
- Children should be sane and not hurt.
- Invention is a necessity of motherhood.
- Familiarity breeds.
- Love and marriage go together like a horse.
- Greater love hath no man than this, that he play down his life for his friends.
- Groceries were born free, and everywhere they are in chains.
- You're never too old to.
- My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
- There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dip-nuts's.
- I married my wife for her looks - but not the ones she's been giving me lately.
- Emo Phillips: Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps
- I have lots of friends. You just can't see them.
- I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
- You're just jealous because the voices are talking to ME.
- Procrastinate Now
- Rehab Is for Quitters
- headline: Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
- 43% of all statistics are worthless.
- We cna tyep 300w rods pre minuet!
- All taglines are busy...One will be with you shortly.
- At least when you fail no one is jealous.
- Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
- Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
- Cheating? No, I'm practising team skills
- Design flaws travel in groups.
- Every crowd has a silver lining - P.T.Barnum
- Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
- I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- I am tolerant of your fruitcake-like beliefs.
- I can be decisive, I think.
- I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
- I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
- I'm older now than I've ever been before!
- I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
- I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
- I have my own little world. But it's OK - they know me here.(Jack Handey?)
- If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
- In child-rearing, who's training whom?
- It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
- I've upped my standards. Up yours. (Pat Paulsen)
- In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
- Let's defy common sense and try to be happy together (Ashleigh Brilliant)
- You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking. (Jack Handey?)
- Life is too important to ever take seriously.
- Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first.
- Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. (Groucho Marx)
- Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- The world is coming to an end. Please log off now.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end
- When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
- Who the Dickens wrote "Oliver Twist", anyway?
- Who's Afraid Of Virgin Wool?
- Why is the "right size" for a corporation always smaller?
- The phrase "surgical strike" might be more acceptable if it were common to perform surgery with high explosives. (G. Carlin)
- A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. (G. Carlin)
- Things I can do without: a crying woman with a harpoon gun entering a sports bar. (G. Carlin)
- Everybody else's stomach has a six-pack, I have a keg. (Homer Simpson)
MORE FUN:
definitions ... Latin ... movies ... Murphy's Law
music ... Rules of business life ... Swifties ... taglines
thoughts about business life ... Grammar Hall of Shame
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